I haven't blogged in a long time because I haven't had time. A month and a half ago, I made the decision to leave my place of employment, and ever since then things have been a whirlwind. I'm launching my freelance graphic design and photography business. With the promise of one regular client and some photo shoots booked in 2011, I'm off on my own to devote my time to doing what I am passionate about doing. I am excited, nervous, and hopeful. I'm also exhausted.
It's almost 1:00am and I say I'm exhausted. I guess I should go to sleep. But I'm home alone while J.C. is out of town finishing up a week-long production job. It's rainy, I'm sick, and I need to be sleeping, but I can't.
Facebook suggested that I look through some old photos tonight, so I did. I was reminded of what a crazy year 2010 has been. Obviously, committing to another person for the rest of my life made it an epic year. But the eight months that I have been married have brought things that I never would have expected. The marriage part has been great, but other things have been difficult. We were prepared for trials to come, and by God's grace we have allowed them to draw us closer together. To say that this year has been marked with incredible happiness and incredible pain would barely be scratching the surface on describing our year.
I hate to admit it, but I dreaded Christmas this year. Circumstances weren't what I wanted them to be. Because of things beyond our control, Christmas wasn't what I had hoped for. We didn't go to a single Christmas party. We didn't have time to snuggle down watch Christmas movies. For some reason, our real live Christmas tree did NOT fill the house with that evergreen smell, and neither did the pine scented candles I got at Wal-Mart. The gluten-allergy monster reared its ugly head at me during Christmas just as it always does at holidays, and for the first time in a very long time I cried simply because I couldn't eat anything at potluck dinners. I really mean it: I dreaded Christmas.
And then somehow, when Christmas arrived, my attitude started changing little by little. It made my day to see my husband's eyes light up and him smile like a little boy when he opened up the boxed set of the original G.I. Joe cartoons that I got him. My heart swelled with wonder when I heard Linus tell the Christmas story when my family gathered to watch Charlie Brown like we do every Christmas Eve before opening presents. I giggled at my nephew's excitement as he bounced around the house all day excited to open his presents. I created beautiful gluten-free cookie snowflakes that would make Martha Stewart jealous. And after it was over I looked back and realized how blessed I was.
The same goes for the year 2010 in general. A sad year? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Stressful? Yes. Tiring? Very. But I married the most wonderful man in the world this year. And every day he makes me happy and gains even more of my respect. He gives me hope, strength, and courage and loves me no matter what. That is a picture to me of an even greater Love. One I can always count on and that will never leave or forsake me. One that was with me in 2010 just as it has for me every year since 1982 and will be in the uncertainties of 2011. As I set out into a new year, I pray that I will follow and lean on Him for strength, and that I will never loose sight of His blessings.
